Living in central Texas has always felt right to me, although I have lived so many other places. I love it because of its warm weather and friendly people. I live in Austin which has been a garden for art, music, and all types of creativity to grow and flourish.
This past week, we have had some rare weather, a week of below freezing temperatures with snow and ice. In our town our electricity went out for over 40% of our population. I spent 78 hours without electricity in a very cold home and only a few candles to burn.
My son and I did many things to make this work, by packing snow in bags and stuffing our refrigerator to keep our food from spoiling, covered windows with blankets, and brought out our camping stove for cooking outside to make one hot meal per day. My son devised a way to warm pizza using candles.
Yet most of the time, I just stayed in bed with a wool blanket to trap in what little body heat I had. I had the most vivid dreams and plenty of time to think.
By the third night I felt weak and cold. I wrote this about my roving thoughts about my mother and my son and my ideas about being a mother.
Diary February 17th, 2021
While lying in my warm bed last night, in a freezing room, I kept thinking about my mother and me being a mother.
I thought about her last day on Earth as she lay in the hospital bed, all crippled due to a stroke. While I was watching her, I notices that she (her spirit) was not “in” her body much, and there was one time some entity looked through her bodies eyes then left. She laid still all day as I kept watch.
My sister came in to cover the night shift. I wanted to stay for I knew this was her last night. Her feet were blue already. My soul told me she was going to go very soon.
I wanted so much to stay and be there for when her soul leaves the crumpled body, but I could tell my sister needed to be there with her, it was important, and I should not stay as sister was deep in grief. I said goodbye to my sister and headed to the door.
My heart told me to look again at my mother, and my mother’s spirit was back in her body with a brilliant halo of yellow-gold all around her. Her eyes twinkled at me. Her mouth could not move and yet I heard her tell me she loved me.
I turned to walk to her, leaned over her bed and I kissed her forehead many times, telling her I loved her deeply out loud. I also telepathically told her I knew it was her time to go and that she taught her children well, and we all will be fine. That night her soul left Earth for good.
As a mother myself, I did not understand the “job” until I held my son in my arms. We do not get an instruction manual, like we do with a car. We just get patterns from our parents and the world around us. I soon found out much of that knowledge would not work with my son and I had to use my artist creativity to think about everything I did and said to him.
Yelling, hitting for any reason, blame, shame, or guilt-tripping all went out the window immediately. I wanted a good child, a skilled child, a strong in heart and soul child.
Working hard to think about what I did and said made all the difference. Each choice was to create an outcome. “Eat your food is not enough”, not for my son. Why we eat food was what he desired and why about everything else.
I soon realized I was a Tour Guide to this soul who wanted to be the best in his life on Earth, and he wanted skills that meant something, but he was not going to try things unless he understood how they fit in to life!!!
My thoughts moved back to my mother, who was raised a good Catholic and has a solid foundation in morals and right social behavior. She was a great cook and highly organized in the home. I learned many skills that today make me very great at many things. She taught through example, through modeling the right behavior in so many situations. She did not explain any “why” to me, and I could now understand that yearning within my son, for I also wanted to know why. When I understood more about her commanding me to do things, I felt a deeper love for her guidance.
It is through her that I learned humor and how to enjoy life, even with it gets tough.
As a family we moved around the US and the world. My mother kept the family strong and together. Having to adjust to each new situation, she held a steady anchor which I now know I have too.
One day my son and his love will have children, and they will have to navigate parenting. Parenting needs to be led by the heart and modulated with right thinking and action.
Parenting is just like being a Tour Guide for Earth…. we do this here, do that here, use polite words for situations, and yes, fight when the need comes, consider these things, look at what they created, what do you think about that situation…. pointing out the path of a daily walk. Pointing out does not mean controlling, but laying out how things work, and allowing your child to put their own pieces together and making up their mind and choices.
The reward is seen through the progress of your adult child. Seeing how they think a bit different, and how that adds to the family in a bog way.
Guide gently, with kindness and forethought. Understand how you felt as a child and know that children have this stage in life to learn and be guided forward in a manner that builds confidence, intelligence and the skills needed to live as a happy adult.
~ Carolyn Thompson